...light filtered through the moving glass, and it all came back.

 

1980-1992

..like a three-legged race, in all i did, you were there.

you turned when i turned,

smiled when i smiled,

cried when i cried.

you were all i was given,

and all that i needed

 

1992-1995

..we turned the corner,

removing the leg strap,

and walked for awhile.

i told everyone about you;

more than they wanted to hear

but i loved you so much

i couldn't keep you to myself

 

1995-2002

...running now, we set off for bigger things

leaving home, then finding love after love

a seamless sequence of data and advertising

certainty about certainty

you didn't warn me of the road ahead

 

2002-2012

...i didn't notice when you left

turned my head one day

realized you'd been gone a long time

the mind can numb the heart

and it did.

oh, how it did.


2012-2015

...then i felt what i knew.

you weren't there; hadn't been there

all along.

i searched trees and rocks,

finding only me, my family,

my friends.

they are everything, but they will not live

forever.

a funeral without end

your death in me

 

and so i stopped running

went home and shut the door

leaving the porch light on

just in case you simply got lost

 

2016

...when i cried for no reason

when i heard that old song

when the sky seemed to have a fourth dimension

when i can hardly contain my joy

when my boy holds my face

and my girl sings her songs

and it feels like all of existence is winking in my direction

i hear you

 

you are not what i named you

you are not nameable at all

but the echo of a voice is ringing everywhere

and the antenna i left on that old house

picks it up more and more

this beautiful illusion

the most real of illusions

is good enough for me.

welcome home

—Ryan Blanchard