At first

You were my happiness When I felt none

You gave me hope

For something good

And that hope

Brought a secret joy

You were a daughter Or son

A sibling

One we cherished And loved

You were the smile On my face

And the laughter

In your sister's voice.

You were all these things

From the time we knew you were there

Tucked away inside me

Until we understood

So abruptly

That your form had changed

Suddenly my brightly lit cloud Had turned to rain

And with it my joy

Turned to tears.

You became the pain

I had never let myself feel

The tears I'd swallowed So many years before

You were my chance

To reclaim my life

To look myself in the eye

To ask for help

With my head held high

To feel the anger

I'd so long denied

And to cut ties

With the toxins In my life

Who I'd previously Embraced

You were my courage

When honesty could wait no longer

You were the clarity that led me here

Down a healthier path

With healthier people.

You are the reason I'm a better mom

A healthier spouse

A calmer me

You are a reminder

Of my accomplishment Endurance and strength

18 months ago

I recognized your form For the very first time

Tucked away inside of mine

As you changed

I felt you slip away And I agonized For a while

But you never left

Instead your tiny little form expanded and grew

With me

Into something

Much more amazing

Than the child we expected

With your changing form

Came life changes in me

Your father,

Your sister,

And even my mother.

Now we recognize the form of another young being

Growing in the darkness that is my womb

This one has a different nature

Not of subtly passing through

Leaving it's imprint

With very few "words"

This one is a fighter

Who insists that I know (s)he's sticking around

By making me so sick

That I needed an IV Dripping fluid

Into my veins

For 57 hours straight

Is this you

My little love

Changing forms again?

Or is it your younger sibling

Coming to teach Taylor

How to be the wonderful Loving big sister

That she wants

To become?

Either way

No matter your form

You will be

forever valued

Appreciated

And loved

—Sarah Blanchard